Depression & Love: Bad Relationships - Breakup/Being Single Rant

Sometimes you just need to rant to get it out of mind. These are a couple of rants I made - but more updated versions. I have struggled quite a bit with being on my own. I am happier single than I was when I was with my ex, but being single kind of sucks. Especially when I am in love with someone I can never be with. And when everyone around you are in relationships and happy. And when you have never had a guy show interest in you.

So here are a couple of rants, just to share my feelings, for anyone else who may need them.

This is something I have learned the hard way.

Many times...

PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Don't let them fuck you up!!

Fucking you up isn't love. And it isn't worth it!!!

So if you are with someone who does treat you like shit and does fuck you up, then you need to get out of there. You deserve better, even if you don't believe it - Especially if you don't believe it!!

Some people who know any of the stuff that my ex put me through have told me that I deserve better than him, and that I was out of his league. But it's not true. They're all just saying it, and none of them would want to be with me either.

My ex was right all along: I am a fuck up, and it IS all my fault. I am the shitty one. I don't deserve love and I won't ever find it. No one will ever love me and I'll end up alone.

The guy I love will never love me either.

My exes completely destroyed me. I just feel like I'm not good enough for anyone and that no one will love me. I want to find the love that is described in this post but I honestly think that I will never find it. No one loves me or wants me at all, and no one ever has. And I don't know if that's an issue with me or if it's just because of my ex.

So I talk about my ex kind of a lot, but not because I am still into him, because I am not in the slightest. The first Depression & Love post I made (https://sofckingmessy.wixsite.com/confessionsofdepress/home/depression-love-being-in-love-with-someone-you-will-never-be-with) explains that. So although I am over him, I am not over the way he treated me and how he fucked me up (read the rant under the next photo, it goes into that a little more). And I am not over the fact he moved on in 2 weeks or less, whereas it's been over 5 months and no guy has even showed the slightest bit of interest in me.

Never in my life has a guy younger than my parents shown me any interest, and to be fair all the pervy old men who only wanted sex have specified that I'm too ugly for them so that I'll have to put a bag over my head or be done from behind so that they don't have to see my ugliness - this is not an exaggeration or anything, this is actually quotes from them, so I don't really count them. And the only other times that guys have spoken to me, it has been a dare and a joke - like "I dare you to ask out the desperate friendless girl so we can all laugh at her" or "try to get the number of the most lonely/depressed/messy/easy-looking girl you can" - I have overheard all the dares being asked before people have spoken to me, so this is not in my head either. So I have never been asked out or had someone truly show genuine interest in me, and honestly it's really shitty. I've never even had someone tell me that they had a thing for me in the past, because no one has ever even done that.

No one has ever wanted me, and I doubt anyone ever will tbh. And it's honestly such a shitty feeling, that I never have been and never will be good enough for anyone - never enough to have anyone want me.

What my main problem is is that people have lied to me. Clearly I'm not better than my ex, and he's clearly the one who is out of my league. Clearly I don't deserve better, and that I am a shittier ,more unlovable person than him, if he has three or more girls loving him and really wanting to be with him, and he got to choose between them all as soon as we broke up, while I have not had a guy (or a girl for that matter) even show a tiny bit of interest in me or say they want me, or anything like that. And honestly it makes me wish I wasn't alive anymore, because then these issues wouldn't be happening. I won't be the girl that is always asked if they can give them another persons number, or the girl that no one ever has been or will be in love with.

This rant was written about 3 months ago, I don't really feel this way anymore, but I will underline the portions of text that I still relate to.

It's been months, and technically even longer since it was over before the breakup. But even now sometimes I wake up expecting a text. I forget that I don't need to message him. I expect him to yell at me because I haven't messaged him or because I'm a failure. I'm trying to start my life over but it's so hard. I have no idea what to do or what to try or who I am. He always told me who I was and who I could be and now I don't really know who I am or who I want to be. I think he's ruined me. So yeah I'm over him, but I'm not over the memories. I'm not over how he ruined me, and I'm not used to being alone (even though I'm always alone). Being single sucks. I mean it's better than all the arguing, but I actually have no one.

Thank you guys for reading my rants. I hope I can help some people with this.

Stay Strong!!

Have a great day!!

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