Just A Little Note For People In The Process Of Moving On, Or In A Bad Relationship

These are 2 of the photos I saved when dealing with the breakup with my most recent ex. They helped me cope a little, but also made me really quite sad because I realised how true they were.

Here's my story:

My ex and I were together for just over a week short of 4 years (he was a guy and I'm a girl - we met at 17 and started dating straight away). The relationship was kinda shitty at times. I mean it started off great (honestly I just think it was the honeymoon period, because thinking back on it now, it was pretty hard and horrible even back then). We were basically constantly arguing, mainly because he'd always be picking fights with me over literally nothing most of the time. He would yell at me and be horrible to me, but for some reason I always forgave him (probably because I loved him - especially at the start).

He always questioned my honestly and loyalty, and would even look through my phone when he thought I couldn't see and didn't know I knew that he'd do it (and he'd deny looking through my messages as well on the occasions that I caught him out!) He would always accuse me of cheating on him with other people, even though I never did - he'd tell me that he knew I was, and would tell me exactly who I was cheating on him with, even though I never cheated and never would. Him and my friends didn't get on, and it annoyed him when I talked to him about my family, and if I spoke to him about my feelings or what film I'd watched he would always tell me that he didn't care, so I would talk to him about work and what had happened at work a lot, because that's the only other thing in my life. But only one of my colleagues isn't a guy, and because I'd talk to him about them or situations that involved them, it meant that I was "fucking all of them". But it was okay if he talked a lot about other girls to me, and because of his jealousy and how convinced that he was that I was cheating - I started worrying that he was cheating on me, but in my case it was "overreacting and being stupid".

He started talking about this girl a lot more than all the others about 10 or so months before we broke up (also he works with way more males than females (and has at least 70 colleagues) so that would stress me out and made me worry about him cheating on me than I previously had. I'd also like to take the time to say that everyone I have dated before him has cheated on me, so I can notice the cheating behaviour, plus I worry more about people cheating on me because I am so used to it and because I've been made to feel like I'm not good enough constantly. So.. he started talking about her all the time, and would yell at me for not believing him (literally shout out of nowhere), and saying "I'll never cheat on you" or "I don't see her that way and I never will". Then he started going out with his work colleagues (she was at most if not all of the outings). He started drinking again even though he promised me that he never would (before anyone comments or judges me, the not drinking was his decision because of how he had been towards me one time when he drank, and because of that he never wanted to drink again - I'll probably explain this story properly another day). Her name was mentioned so many times, even though he apparently didn't feel anything at all towards her, isn't eben attracted to her. But then we broke up, and about 2 weeks later he came into my work and told me that he had move on and found someone new and that they were going on another date later on that day. (I mean who turns up to someones work and tells them that they have moved on - basically telling someone that all the time that they were together meant nothing and that they have found someone better already, while I'd been crying myself to sleep most nights - not really always because I loved and missed him, but more because I couldn't believe that I put up with being treated like that, and also because I was lonely and missed having someone there for me). He told me that he was doing all these things for her, like taking her to see a movie of her choice (one that he didn't eben want to see, but was going to see because he wanted "her to be happy as she deserves it"), and paying for her ticket as well. Ohh and this girl of his was THE SAME girl that he had been talking about for months and said that he'd never see that way at all. I'm pretty sure that she'd been on the scene for ages - that he'd been with her behind my back while we were together.

We have been broken up for almost 5 months now, but it still stresses me out and gets to me. I am completely over him and have no feelings for him (other than anger, but even then that is mainly directed towards myself). But what I am not over is all the ways he fucked me over and treated me so terribly. And I'm not over how fast he moved on from me, and the fact I know he cheated on his new girlfriend. And he can be like that and have loads of girls wanting to be with him, yet here I am, still single, never in my life had a guy ask me out or want to be with me, and honestly I think I will be single forever.

So my advice for anyone going through a breakup, especially if it is with a guy or girl like my ex; just know that you deserve so much better, and I know that you will find it. If your ex has moved on that quickly from you, then that is his loss - and even if he/she did cheat on you - well you deserve better than them anyway and that is an issue with them and Not you. Trust your instincts and put yourself first!! (I did plan on giving more advice and stuff in this section but I am so drained now that I can't find the words, sorry!)

You are amazing!! You deserve a love so beautiful that it feels like a dream!

Stay Strong!! Have a great day!

#newpost #blog #fuckdepression #depression #depressed #anxiety #bpd #borderlinepersonality #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #fuckedup #sad #done #insomnia #breakup #badrelationship #whyme #cheater #cheatedon #abuse #relationship #cheater #cheat #arguments #depressionquote #mentalillness #triggerwarning #ex #tw #breakup #hemovedon #movingon #youarebetterthanthat #youdeservemore