Summer, Depression & Self Esteem

Summer is one of the worst times for people with depression, self esteem issues and people with self harm cuts/scars. I know. I've been through it all.

*****Potential Trigger Warning!*****

For most people, summer is a great time of year. It's full of parties, sun, swimming, shorts and crop tops and dresses weather, excuses to go out, and happiness.

But for others, it's not as great.

There's parties that we aren't invited to, or that we can't go to because of our depression and/or anxiety or other mental health issues. It's too hot to be fully clothed, but we can't wear shorts or have our arms/legs out because it will mean that our scars are out. When we wear clothes that cover our scars, we get asked why we are wearing all those clothes and people say things like "you must be so hot, why don't you just take some clothes off - but also if we have our scars out, we get extremely worried about what people will say. We can't wear all those clothes because we feel too fat or ugly wearing them. We get to see all the skinny people wearing not many clothing, and hate ourselves even more because they look better than we do (or at least we feel we do, that probably isn't actually the case).We see all these people out there having fun and enjoying their summer with not a care in the world, and that makes us realise how shitty our life is and just how depressed we are - and that makes us hate ourselves even more - it all just goes around in a vicious cycle until the summer and the hot weather is over.

So summer isn't all that fun for everyone.

Even if we wish it was.

I will make a post describing summer and depression a bit more at another time, but right now I am exhausted and can't find the words right now. I'm just so happy that summer is nearly over so that I can start to feel a bit more normal.

Here is a rant that I shared to my instagram at the start of the summer, just putting into words some of the things that I personally felt (and still feel) when it comes to the summer.

Check out the full post at instagram.com/sofckingmessy

It's too hot at the moment.

I hate it.

I hate summer.

It's too hot to do things, I can't workout unless I'm at the gym, but it's too hot to leave my house to go to the gym.

It's too hot to wear jeans but I can't wear anything else. At least my arm scars are covered up with tattoos so I can wear short sleeves.

The one thing I hate the most about the weather is other people wearing shorts and tight tops and crop tops etc. I hate it because they're so skinny and I'm too fat to wear anything like that. My belly is fat and saggy, my thighs are fat and covered in cellulite and stretch marks, and when they're not held in by jeans, they wobble so much when I walk. My arms are fat. Not to mention that I'm covered in scars so that's another reason I can't show anyone.

Summer is not the season for fat self harmers :/

Not sure why I'm still so fat though, I don't get it. I'm working out every day, at the gym at least 2+ times a week, I don't eat unhealthily (well not unhealthy foods), but I'm still so goddamn fat!!!

And there's so many skinny People and it makes me want to just cut all the fat off my body.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. It was quite emotional and hard for me to write about - but that's what this blog is all about, it's about the confessions of depression - how depression fucks you up and ruins everything. It needs to be real and it needs to be raw.

To anyone with scars, here's a little post to help you get through the summer weather...

Have a lovely day sweethearts, you are beautiful! Never doubt yourself!💜

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