30 Day Blogger Challenge - Day 7

Day 7: My Most Recent Relationship

- I am writing about my most recent relationship as I am not currently in a relationship (as I am sure you can tell by reading my blog posts. I will update you all if any of that changes!). So I have spoken about my last relationship on here a bit, and will do so in more detail at other points so for this entry I will give some light basic information. Please check out the Depression & Love section of my blog to find the posts about my most recent ex if you would like to read more about the relationship I had with him.

- We met online, on a friendship and dating site. I started talking to him the day after I was released from hospital, and was just grateful to have someone to talk to. We arranged to meet up as friends, and went to the cinema because there was a film that we both wanted to see (he had already seen it and even though he said that he didn't mind seeing it again, he always complained about having paid out to see it twice after then... like it was my fault?! Anyway I got a little sidetracked..) We were both 17 at the time, he was a month older than me, but truly acted like a 10 year old most of the time aha. We met up about 4 days after we started talking, and it was an alright day to be honest.. probably the best day I ever had with him. We decided after that that we were together - I asked if we were together and he said "yeah I guess so" - how romantic!! But honestly there was never really any romance, love or passion in our relationship - we went out for dinner a few times or saw a movie in the cinema, but honestly none of them were proper dates - not even anniversary dinners. We were together for about 2 weeks short of 4 years, and genuinely seriously I do not know how I managed to put up with all the bullshit for so long. I thought it was a good relationship at the start, but honestly it never was good. Like a month in to the relationship he was yelling at me for going on a day out with my family because there was a chance that we may go to a beach on the way back and he knew that the only reason I was going was because I wanted to show off my body to all the guys there and fuck as many of them as I can because I'm a whore - like hell yeah, isn't that what all teenagers do on a family day out, like the purpose of the day isn't to spend it with family, it's to fuck as many people as you can while your family is around!! And it just stayed like that the whole way through. From the first week when he did something wrong, he would start crying to make it seem like it was my fault and that I had completely fucked it all up and it was my fault that I had made both of us sad, and he was always doing this - I never learned. We broke up nearly 6 months ago, and even though I know that it was a really shitty relationship towards the end, I never realised quite how bad it was and quite how bad he was until it was over. He would treat me like shit and lie to my face, prioritise everything else over me and flirt with other women and walk around wearing not much in the way of clothing but god forbid I ever wore a short sleeve tshirt and it was like I was a fucking whore or something!! We were arguing every day, multiple time a day generally and honestly he never tried to fix anything - we went on a break and only got back together because he promised to change and to try to work through it (we both promised that to be honest, but I was the only one that actually tried and actually made a change in the relationship - less than a week later, on my birthday, he was already yelling at me and telling me that I was a fuck up and that everything bad in his life is because of me and that he wished he had never met me as I fuck up everything and that I don't have mental illnesses; it is just that I am just a fuck up, that is all - and making me buy stuff for him, so he actually never changed... actually I lie - he did change, but he just got worse!!)

- It was a bad relationship from start to finish, but I thought I was in love with him, and love makes us blind to all the red flags that we should really be seeing. People told me that he was an asshole and was treating me and other people badly but I never wanted to see it, and couldn't really see it until I was out of the relationship. To be honest, I was actually in love with him, but not in the way someone should be in love with someone. It was more like I was in love with the idea of being in love with him, and that I loved him and not the relationship. (I do now know what being in love is like, and it is so different to how I ever felt about my ex).

So this is part of the story about my most recent ex. There will be some more updates about him and how the relationship was and some of the things I had to go through because of him, so you can read more about that.

If you are in a relationship like this, you need to get out of there!! And if you are/were in a relationship like it, please remember that it is not your fault and that you deserve better than a low life shit like that. I still don't properly believe that it's not my fault, but I also don't know what I did to trigger him to treat me like that all the time, so I also know that it is an issue with him and not anything to do with me.

Stay Strong!! Have a great day!

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