Music & Life - Head Above Water - Avril Lavigne

Head Above Water is the latest song by Avril Lavigne. It is off the 6th studio album, which is currently all that has been announced about the album. There is yet to be a video for this song, but when one is released, I will update it on here. This is the first song that she has released since "Fly" in 2015, and it was written while she was in her dark battle with Lyme Disease.

This song really encompasses the darkness. It is so raw and is such a beautiful song, and I just wanted to share the impact that it had on me.

I am still quite emotional about this song, and in a bit of a negative headspace generally, so my writing isn't going to be the best, but I do need to share my love for this incredible and beautiful song, and to talk about what it means to me.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have been a huge fan of Avril Lavigne since she started out in 2002 - back when I was 5 (almost 6). She has had such a huge impact on my life, and has really helped me through some terrible times and has brought me out of the darkness.

It broke my heart when she announced that she was suffering with Lyme Disease, and I was so scared that she wouldn't be able to make it through the darkness - that I would lose my idol and be completely broken. But fortunately she made it, and has written this amazing song to help her through the pain and recovery. And I am so glad that she's feeling better, and that she is releasing new music!! And that there is an album, and a music video for this song on the way!!

When the opening line of the song started, my body was overcome with goosebumps. It was such a raw and emotional line, and from this point I knew I would love the song, and I knew it would mean so much to me. The goosebumps stayed for the whole song, and for a while after the song as well.

The song got progressively better (which was insane as it started off incredibly), and I found myself getting lost in the lyrics and in her hauntingly beautiful voice.

The lyrics really spoke to me, and I felt them resonating deeply inside of me.

Although this song is about her struggle with Lyme Disease, I know that so many people (myself included) will benefit from this song, as it really puts into words the feelings that a lot of people suffering with illnesses (physical, mental or emotional) have experienced.

I didn't cry while listening to the song the first couple of times I listened to it, even though I was on the verge of tears. I was just so blown away by the lyrics and the emotion of the song that it was almost as though I was in shock - I couldn't think of anything else, other than the lyrics I was hearing. I didn't even realise at first what impact it was having on me until afterwards. It took my breath away and also made me numb - so empty of emotion other than my love for this song. It took 2 times of me listening to it before I could show any emotion about the song - once the initial (and beautiful) shock of the lyrics wore off, I cried so much. I cried because I loved the song, I cried because of what the lyrics meant to me, I cried for Avril, I cried because my feelings had been put into words, and I even cried just for myself and for how low I have let myself become. Let me tell you, it was completely messy, but also well needed; I felt so much better afterwards.

I feel like this song perfectly describes my thoughts on depression and my other mental illnesses, especially when I am attempting to recover from it, as I just need some help keeping my head above water - to not drown in the chaos and darkness that is my mental illness. I need the strength to not lose myself all over again, and to keep on top of the feelings(waves).

Her voice throughout the song is so heartfelt, passionate, emotional and uninhibited, and it perfectly fits the song and its meaning - you can tell how hard the time was for her, and how much she really needed the strength to get through the times. And I can relate to that voice - it's the desperate and most real voice I have, when I am asking myself for inner strength to keep me fighting. And it just shows that it's okay to not be okay, and more importantly, that it is okay to ask for help if you need it - whether you are asking God, someone around you, or even if you are just asking yourself to hold on a little bit longer. And that it why her voice, combined with the lyrics, make this such a powerful and influential song, and why it has had such a gripping impact on me and my life, especially in this dark time where I am really feeling the weakness. Also the fact that some parts of the song have an upbeat sounds shows that it's not always dark, and that there is happiness and good things still to come.

The line "don't let me drown, it gets harder" really symbolises recovery to me, as it's so easy to lose yourself and your progress - and the further you get through your recovery, the more strength you have used up to get that far, and therefore the more weak and exhausted you feel when fighting on, and it does get harder and feel more like fighting a losing battle.

" And I can't see in the stormy weather. I can't seem to keep it all together. And I, I can't swim the ocean like this forever." - This is one of my favourite sections of the whole song. This line shows how I feel at this precise moment. Because I can't see any hope or light in this dark time. And I can't keep anything together at the moment, because I am such a wreck. And truly, I can't continue like this forever, because it's too hard to swim currently with how rough the ocean is.

I also love the use of the ocean, as it is a metaphor for a lot of illnesses. Especially as a lot of illnesses can cause depression, or at least give people the hopeless and overwhelming feelings that come with depression - and depression often feels like you're drowning in an ocean while everyone else around you is swimming and enjoying the water; being so consumed by their enjoyment that they can't even see you drowning, so you're losing yourself and losing the strength to keep swimming anymore; you can't see the shore anymore, and you're falling deeper and deeper beneath the surface. So that is why this song fits perfectly for that. (on a side note, I may use this water/ocean idea for another post one day, I was quite impressed with my wording, as generally I really struggle to explain what depression is like).

It broke my heart that she felt that way. That she had gone through all of that and felt this low and broken, and that she actually thought that she was going to drown and lose herself - honestly that destroyed me. But I am so glad that she is doing better, and I hope she never feels that way again. I have so many other words I want to say about how broken I am about the fact that she felt this way, but I don't have the emotional capacity to express those feelings right now, so I apologise! But she seems so much better and I am so happy about it! She deserves so much happiness, love and joy - as does everyone reading this!!

When the song finished, I just sat in silence for a while - just staring off into space and taking some time to breathe and process the raw beauty that I had just heard, and to cope with the fact that it described how I am feeling as well.

As much as I really wanted to listen to it again straight away, I was so emotional and open that I couldn't find the strength to.

It destroyed me in such a way that it made that part of me whole again.

It was a song that I didn't even know that I needed. But I really did need it.

I have listened to it multiple times since the first time, and each time I still find my body covered in goosebumps and my mind feeling freed temporarily while the song is playing. It may still reduce me to an emotional mess, but I am so glad about that, and I truly do love this song so much!

Lyrics:

I've gotta keep the calm before the storm I don't want less, I don't want more Must bar the windows and the doors To keep me safe, to keep me warm

Yeah my life is what I'm fighting for Can't part the sea, can't reach the shore And my voice becomes the driving force I won't let this pull me overboard

God, keep my head above water Don't let me drown, it gets harder I'll meet you there at the altar As I fall down to my knees Don't let me drown, drown, drown Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown

So pull me up from down below 'Cause I'm underneath the undertow Come dry me off and hold me close I need you now I need you most

God, keep my head above water Don't let me drown, it gets harder I'll meet you there at the altar As I fall down to my knees Don't let me drown, drown, drown (Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown) Don't let me drown, drown, drown And keep my head above water (Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown) Above water

And I can't see in the stormy weather I can't seem to keep it all together And I, I can't swim the ocean like this forever And I can't breathe

God, keep my head above water I lose my breath at the bottom Come rescue me, I'll be waiting I'm too young to fall asleep

God, keep my head above water Don't let me drown, it gets harder I'll meet you there at the altar As I fall down to my knees

Don't let me drown Don't let me drown (Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown) Don't let me drown And keep my head above water (Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown) Above water

Thank you for reading my thoughts and feelings on this incredible song, I really needed to share what I felt and the impact this masterpiece has had on me.

Please feel free to let me know what you think about it as well! What does it mean to you?

Stay Strong! Have a great day!

#newpost #blog #blogger #fuckdepression #depression #depressed #anxiety #bpd #eupd #saveme #borderlinepersonality #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #sad #depressionquote #mentalillness #mentalhealth #triggerwarning #rant #tw #lyrics #song #music #newsong #newmusic #youtube #avrillavigne #headabovewater #mythoughts #opinion #AL6 #drowning #ocean #drownindepression #lymedisease #illness #disease #invisibleillness #drown #invisible #darkness #light #hope #recovery #relapse #gettingbetter #broken #storm #stormyweather #pop #poprock #poppunk #punkrock #depressedmess #mess #messy #emotional #crying #wreck #feelings #thoughts #depressionthoughts #depressionfeelings #love #life #lifeishard #itgetsbetter #hopeful #movingon #lifesucks #happy #quote #symbolism #abbeydawn #relate #help #relatable #avrillavignefoundation #musicvideo #lyricvideo #response #reaction #myreaction