It's A F*cked Up World (trigger warning)

Trigger Warning

Mentions of suicide, abuse, children and other potentially triggering subjects.

I actually give up.

I really don't know if I can do this anymore - this whole life thing. It's just getting to be too much.

I don't just mean my life or my specific circumstances- I mean life in general. This world is just too hard.

The violence. The abusers and murderers. The absolute selfishness of others.

The majority of the population is only in it for themselves- they don't care about anyone else. And that's what's fundamentally wrong with this world.

Something doesn't go their way so they take it out on someone else.

People drive like idiots and act like it's their right, even if it's not.

"I'll get What I want, When I want it, How I want it, and fuck You" basically sums up the world today. And it fucking sucks!!!

I always wanted to start a family one day - have kids and maybe even grandkids. It was wishful thinking really, as I didn't even want to be alive- but it's what I wanted.

I've changed my mind now.

This world is too fucked up and full of selfish arseholes and horrible people to bring an innocent life into it.

I've had my share of shitty, fucked up experiences - and there are so many more shitty occurrences happening in the world, and they happen so much more often that I just can't cope with the thought of bringing a child into that. I am not judging anyone who does, but I just can't!

These thoughts have been going through my mind for over a year now, and it's really sad that my dreams have been taken away from me by the shittiness of this world.

The world is even worse now. It's not even about Covid - that doesn't play a factor at all, it's the world and the people in it that have become worse.

I don't want myself to live in this world now.

And that's not me being suicidal- it's not even nearly the same.

This is me not wanting to have to cope with how fucked up the world is.

This world is just so fucked up - and how are we supposed to deal with that without becoming shitty, toxic People ourselves?!

So I don't want to live in the world anymore- living in fear all the time in all aspects of life.

Fearful of other people and what they're capable of,

Fearful of ignorant drivers when you're out,

Fearful of being stabbed, shot or attacked in any other way,

Fearful of any kind of relationship because you can't seem to be able to trust anyone nowadays and you don't really know who someone truly is,

Fearful that everything you know could be taken away from you in the blink of an eye,

Fearful that everytime your family go out, they may not return,

Fearful of everything that is our of your control, especially when it's something you should be in control of.

So yes, I don't want to live in this world anymore, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to die.

I just wish the world was less fucked up.

I wish it was a world I wanted to live in...